If you're reading this you are probably in your late forties or fifties and considering a new partner. The reasons why are not important, what is important is how you approach dating again.
For many over forties re-entering the dating arena is scary. What we took as common place in our teens and twenties just doesn't hold in today's society and it's wise to take precautions. Here are a few handy tips.
Tip One: Where to find the right match.
There are a myriad of dating sites but they come with their own problems. Not everyone online is honest about their intentions and, if you're new to online dating you can easily fall prey to those who may not have your best interests at heart.
Look at your current social circle including family and ask yourself if they could introduce you to people - even just friends. Networking works and with today's social media like twitter and blogs you could soon find yourself connecting with strong possibles.
Tip Two: Define what you want.
Do you really know what you're looking for? Take time out and write down five of the characteristics you need most in your next partner like kindness, financially stable, mature. Each time you make a connection refer to your list and if the date doesn't fit, move on.
Tip Three: Stop wasting time.
We've all read the book or seen the movie 'He's just not that into you." Recognise the signs and move on. The longer you have 'flotsam' in your life, the more tied down you are and the harder it is to find the right partner.
You could trip over the perfect partner but not be in a position to get to know them if you're still hanging on to the wrong one for fear of being alone or simply because the devil you know may be better than the one you don't. Move on!
Tip Four: Be Honest.
Being honest about who you want in your life means being honest with yourself as well as others. Don't let friends badger you into dating someone you know isn't your type. Don't be afraid to excuse yourself during a date if the situation is awkward or uncomfortable, there is a polite way out of it.
If you're online make your profile as honest as possible but be careful of what you say. If you do meet someone you like let them know that you are seeking a meaningful relationship. Be honest in your appearance by putting truthful images online and dressing as you normally would. A visual lie will catch you out instantly and create upset. Honesty expects respect.
Tip Five: Have a back up plan.
In any situation request a visual meeting. No one can tell what a person is like just from a picture or a quick telephone conversation. Avoid text messages and emails as they are the easiest places to hide your true self. Meet, and quickly.
Arrange a short meeting first and be sure to advise the other party that you have exactly ten or thirty minutes - just enough time to form a true impression. You can always arrange another meeting and anticipation is good.
Ask a friend to phone on your mobile after ten minutes so that you have an out. You can always ask them to call back later if you're enjoying yourself.
Tip Six: Re- evaluate.
After a few different dates take time to evaluate those people you've met and see if they uphold the five important values you assigned to your perfect partner. If they only matched up to some then agree to see them again to see if there are others on the list you didn't notice.
If they don't match up to any then scratch them off your list totally.
If they match up to all of them then let them know you are looking for a long term relationship with someone like them but don't be over pushy or you could spoil it. Just be honest. If they feel the same way, they'll respect that and move forward with you to accomplish it.
Tip Seven: Watch out for abusers.
There are always those who abuse systems like online dating and take advantage of people who are serious about seeking a long term partner. Be aware of this and try to pace your dating and date more than one potential partner to start with.
Dating isn't having sex. It's having fun and getting to know someone. Meetings can be short and engaging without getting physical. Physicality lowers our survival instincts and sends mixed messages. Wait before you get physical, you can show interest in many other ways.
Tip Eight: Listen to your friends and family.
If you believe you have connected with a good potential partner take them to meet friends or family. Engineer a meeting where they feel comfortable and where your friends and family can see them in a social environment.
Whether we like it or not, friends and family often see a side to someone that we don't when we are enamoured.
Tip Nine: Keep the children out of it.
As an over forty you may well have children. Consider their feelings when you start dating again and, whilst they be aware you are dating, keep them away from all dates until you are certain you are entering a strong relationship.
Children become attached very quickly to single parents new partners and this can be damaging if the relationship ends quickly after starting. Introduce a new date as a friend but preferably keep them away from your home life until you are sure things are going well enough for it to warrant an introduction to your children.
Tip Ten: Have Fun!
Whilst dating is not a scientific experiment our world has ensured that we need help to meet the right people. It's not as easy as in our twenties. We don't go clubbing, bar hopping or partying at this age so alternatives are necessary.
Make it fun for yourself. Join in activities that you'd do anyway like hiking, yoga, dancing, DIYing, racing, horse riding. It makes sense that you'll find like minded people doing things that you like within the boundaries that you set. Above all, have fun!
Jane van Velsen is a writer/author for newspapers, online, female interest glossies, finance, tourism/leisure, and blogs. After fifteen years in advertising and marketing she understands the importance of social and marketing networking on and off line. Need a copywriter for your online content? Contact:
http://www.therightwriter.co.uk
http://ja64.wordpress.com/
1 comments:
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